Normalising Harassment

If you’re a woman but you’ve never had a tryst with a roadside Romeo who can’t take no for an answer, congratulations on being a lucky minority. 
He is that guy who sees a woman once or a few times and decides he is in love with her. He tells his friends that he will have her, even though she has no interest in him or is pretty keen on some other man, disregarding her wishes completely. He probably doesn’t know anything about her than what she posts online, he doesn’t care about her consent — he mentally puts her on a high pedestal and creates a false mental picture of her. He follows her around, sends persistent texts though she never replies and stalks her social profiles like a creep. 

We have all come across such people at some point, who do not understand that the key to a woman’s heart is not through coercion or illegal activities like stalking. The young man pining for his so-called love does not know that his behaviour is highly intrusive and abusive to the lady.

What happens when the guy in love can't take 'no' for an answer from the girl? Remember Swathi's murder? Or recently Ashwini? Or the case of all the other girls who've had acid poured on their faces or gruesomely killed?
What's behind this form of harassment that Indian women face on everyday basis?

The Indian cinema has a very strong influence on the mindset of the Indian public. I believe most of the sexual harassment faced by women in India can be greatly reduced if the movie industry changes the way gender roles are portrayed in Cinema. Boys are taught from a young age that women are required just to add sizzle or spice to one’s life. Nobody shows the heroine’s dreams, career aspirations, her battles and her success in life. Her ever after is bagging the prince and just that.

When popular heroes subject to ogling, catcalling, stalking, blackmailing and abusing their ladyloves who eventually fall in love with the harasser, it is only natural for the hero-worshipping youth to follow in their footsteps.

The movie industry needs to realise that it has a lot of responsibility and power in addressing this issue. It’s time for them to act.

Check out these:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/srishtidixit/this-song-from-akshay-kumars-new-movie-disguises-stalking?utm_term=.duKJMjqLX#.llp9Yp1RV
 https://www.deccanchronicle.com/entertainment/bollywood/050217/bollywood-and-its-stalk-value.html

"It's all about the Journey"

Today, walking back to my room from the gym, I had the strangest revelations from the unlikeliest places.

I was walking briskly on the footpath with my ears plugged to music when I was slowed on my tracks by a grand old man who was walking ahead of me on the footpath. The pedestrian walk was quite narrow and enough for only one person to walk through at a time. I’m the kind of person who hates to get down onto the road let alone jaywalk with the crazy rush hour traffic. 

To my dismay, the old man was walking super slow, even slower than what is expected of his age. I tried to tell myself that he’s old and he can’t help it but he seemed to be walking slow on purpose. 

He leisurely looked around taking in the sights around him and appeared to be in no hurry. At this point, my patience was running out. Why is he walking this slow? Doesn’t he have any other work to do?(I didn’t either, but still..) Wait, he does know I’m walking behind him, right?

Now, there was a long trench dug on the side of the road (for around 100 mts) and I had lost all hope of overtaking him. Is he walking slow intentionally? To take revenge on the millennials for all the annoying things we do? Should I squeeze past him? What if he falls into the trench? Maybe I’ll squeeze through the other side? What if I fall into the ditch? Damn, I’m stuck behind him for eternity!

Wait a minute, is he looking at the sky?

That was when I started to notice.

I saw him looking at the tiny kiosks like a little kid full of wonder, he paused for a second to whistle back at a cuckoo that let out a tune sitting on a low tree to our left, and he greeted the friendly tea kadai bhai on the other side of the street and enquired about his son’s health. He even waved at two little kids inside a compound playing with cardboard planks as cricket bats and asked them if they’d let him bowl an over. 

I was taken aback. He had so much of life in him than a lot of 20 year olds. He was actually living every moment. 

 

After a few minutes, the path widened enough for me to overtake him. However, I didn’t. Unconsciously, my hands unplugged my earphones and I could feel my legs slowing their pace. 

I now knew what matters more: the journey, not the destination!

Am I worthy?

Last week I was invited to lecture a group of pastors belonging to the CSI Tuticorin & Nazareth diocese. Initially, I found it hilarious. Imagine someone as mediocre and ordinary as me, being called to address these men of God, more experienced in every possible way than I am. Then the reality slowly sunk in. 

I WAS TERRIFIED! 

I can't do this! Why God! Why do I have to go? ME, of all the smart, good and experienced people on this planet? 

Lord, I am but a child! I can't even talk sensible most days! I cried out. 

Like always, mom came to my rescue. She told me,"God wants you to do this for him. God can use even the stones and the trees to do this work for him. But, he chose you. He doesn't chose the worthy. He'll make you worthy. You are blessed to have been the chosen one. He chose you, so he'll guide you. He'll talk instead of you. You just need surrender yourself to him. He'll use you for his work!"

I was still scared. Nevertheless, I decided to go. Then I saw with my own eyes what I was capable of, when I had God with me. He spoke through me. He used me as his instrument to share his word. I spoke about the history of the Church, Ecumenism, the books of the bible and even about interpreting the book of revelation. 

Seeing how God uses the simplest of his creations for his great work, I'm humbled.
Those who are suffering from insecurities and anxiety, I want you to know this.

If you have God with you, no one can stand against you. No one on earth is greater than the person who sticks close to God. 

Unlovable

Some people are hard to love. They have a knack for getting on our nerves.

Remember that infuriating teacher who used to embarrass you in front of everyone or that know-it-all who kept shouting out answers in class. Didn’t we always want to kick that nerd with the annoying laugh? Don’t you need basic common sense to be a senior politician at an established party?  How are these celebrities full of crap? What do we do about it? Bitch about them online?

Social media has become the ultimate dump for people pouring out their unprocessed emotions.

If we actually think about it, there is SO much of hatred clawing through the internet. Why are there so many memes that are infused with loathing and hatred? Why are people like JULIE a contestant of Tamil Bigboss and BJP leader TAMILISAI the butt of every joke?

Not everyone has a cute lovely face. Not everyone has perfect hair. Not everyone may be a good person according to your standards. Not everyone agrees with your views. Not everyone may fit in the cool category.

When did it become cool to make fun of others, to create degrading memes, to publicly abuse celebrities, or to Slutsham people?? When did we start thinking that it’s okay to do so?

If we don’t like someone, why don’t we just leave them alone?

Or even better, What if we CHOOSE to love the unlovable, like how God loves us worthless shits??

#SpreadLoveNotHate #LoveTheUnlovable #WeAreBetterThanThis

To be or not to be?

Never once in my lifetime, did I ever think of becoming a teacher. Now that I think about it, I guess it was in my blood. My mom is a Professor and so was my granddad. My great great granddad was a school teacher and had his own “thinnai pallikudam”. Still, I hated the thought of becoming a teacher and always saw myself doing research and social work. But God had other plans.

Last year this time, I chanced upon an opportunity to teach at a semi-rural college in Madurai, my hometown. At first I was apprehensive but thought I’ll give it a shot. Turned out, it was the perfect place for me to be at that period of my life.

Being a professor is a huge responsibility. My students were just teenagers on the verge of entering adulthood. When I myself was in the midst of an uncertain lookout to find where I fit in the society, it was a dangerous spot to be in. And honestly every day, I was afraid of messing up and not doing the right thing when I’m with them. The fact that I’d been trusted with educating the next generation was scary and a big responsibility.

Sometimes, it’s hard being a teacher because you care so much for these kids but you also can’t control what their outside lives are like when they go back home. I have heard some heart wrenching stories and I have seen it firsthand and it’s tough! But as a teacher I hoped I could give them a safe and comfortable environment at college where they can have fun while learning some life skills. I am proud of my students and marvel at their amazing potential. Some of them never failed to astound me every day. Their brilliant questions and different perspectives on the subject were straight out of Sci-Fi.

Was I ever a good student myself? Not really ;) Yes, I liked to read for fun and liked learning new things but these kids worked way harder than I ever did in my whole student life. The downsides - though they focused on studying, they studied only for the sake of marks. Blame it on the stupid education system! I really hope I was able to create a passion in them for learning and to approach the world with curious eyes. Anything to keep them going in the right direction.

Most importantly, these kids have changed who I am and who I strive to be. Patience, acceptance, cultural differences, similarities in beliefs, the simplicity of being a kind and generous person, and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to grow – What else does one need to be perfect?

Sucked into the Web!

Hi everyone! 

I decided to write this one because it’s the season of Lent. And I’ve been going about with an anti-Facebook campaign recently. 

Basically my main aim is to convince people that there are far more pressing problems on earth, far more important things that needs to be done than to waste their time on facebook. 

I’m going to give you 3 reasons why youth (or anyone) don’t need facebook.

1)      Facebook is capable of making you a self centered, vain and narcissistic person. In due course, we start pretending to be someone we are not. We hide behind a false front and project our lives to be far more exciting and glamorous than it actually is.

2)      I'm not homophobic but will it not be strange that you will soon be sharing your posts with people of 50 different genders. You heard it right!

FB is about to introduce 58 different gender orientations for its users to choose from…. including trans-male, trans-female, asexual, polygender, trans with an asterisk (whatever that means), Non-binary and a whole bunch of other weird half-breeds- including a centaur. I’m kidding… but soon they will be having a centaur in there, I tell you.

3)      People spend 110 billion minutes each month on Social networks put together. That’s about 2000 years each month. Think about all the inventions we could have done, all the stuff we could have done to address poverty, all the medicines we could have made to heal the sick.

I mean, what do you gain from reading things posted by your friends anyway? Most times, it’s meaningless. “I looove my new haircut”<everybody’s like ‘So what?’>, “Today was the best day of entire my life!!!” <Nobody actually cares!>

How much time does it take to post something on Facebook? 20 seconds? Every 20 second someone dies by suicide somewhere in the world. Someone who was too lonely and depressed; Someone who had no one to share their problems with, because their friends were too much preoccupied with Facebook and other social networks.

Every minute you spend on facebook, 14 children die a premature death because of sickness in third world countries.

There are more pressing problems that we need to address: War, terrorism, poverty and sickness...

We want others to think well of us. But unlike others, God doesn’t judge us by the selfies we post.

You might say that you keep in touch with people because of facebook. But I tell you, if someone really cares, they will have time to call you, no matter where you go. I know because, I’ve been off facebook for two months now. And before I went to Glasgow, I had my account off for 1 whole year. True friends have always taken pains to call me. And the others who never called, they are not worth my time!

The Lent days start from today, the Ash wednesday. Jesus fasted in the wilderness for 40 days. These 40 days till Easter, we can give up one thing we like a lot. I personally feel God will be happier if you give up facebook and do something constructive with that time, more than you decide to fast or whatever.

Life is full of choices. It would be easier if God tells us, do this and don’t do that. But he doesn’t. He gives us the freedom to choose the good and the bad. God says, “I’m putting the good and the bad in front of you, choose the right thing”.

I’m telling you from my own experience. Deleting your facebook profile is not easy (it's still hard for me to think of doing it again), but I know it’s definitely worth it!