Dodging death, like a boss!

           Death is a very scary thing that almost everybody dreads. But how many have been alive to tell their story after looking death right between the eyes?? 

I have! 

I have not defied death once or twice but a number of times! 

Yeman (Hindu Tamil version of the Grim reaper) must be heads over heels in love with me cos he’s been trying to get to me since the day I was born! My guardian angel has had a very tough job keeping me safe and till now he’s been doing wonderful and certainly deserves a medal. 

Good job Dude!

The most horrifying near-death experience I’ve ever had was when I was about 3. My dad wanted to get me to pee before my bed time so that I didn’t wake him up in the middle of the night. He devised a plan and challenged me to race to the loo. I being very competitive, even when it comes to peeing, raced fast towards the toilet and turned back to see if my dad was gaining momentum. When I turned back again, I hit the wall headlong in my face and the projection in the wall cut in between my eyes, just where my nose starts. I was rushed to the hospital and had stitches. The most gruelling part I remember is how the cruel doctor focused a light into my face and forbid me to squint my eyes, while he stitched into my skin with a huge needle. I’m glad I survived that day or my dad would have had to live with the guilt all his life. Or maybe he’d have been saved of all the trouble he’s had to endeavour because I lived. I still have a tiny scar there that reminds me of that fateful day!

Four years later, the second time, I met death inside a sewage canal. That wasn’t a very nice place to meet someone, covered in sewage sludge from head to toe. Okay anyways, I’ll tell you how it happened. I was in my 2^nd grade and had just learnt to ride a bicycle. I no longer let my dad hold onto the back seat of the bicycle as I rode, because I felt it was belittling in front of other kids in the neighbourhood. So I got into my bicycle and rode away feeling rather proud and superior to those who were still learning to ride. Since I still hadn’t learnt how to stop and get down from the cycle, I always jumped from the cycle before stopping and picked up the cycle after it fell down by itself. It so happened that I went too close to an open drainage which was about 2 blocks from my house. I lost my balance and had to jump down to keep from falling down along with my cycle. But I jumped down, slipped and fell into the sewer. Can you believe that!!! Into a drainage sewer, out of all places to fall into! To add to the agony, the cycle fell on top of me. I was covered in all the grossest things you can imagine. One kind elderly neighbour, who saw me fall, pulled me out of the drain and helped me to my feet. I was covered from head to toe in black sewage. I ran home leaving my cycle behind calling to my mom. My mom then scrubbed me clean with Dettol and other disinfectants and dabbed my bruises with medicine. I still smelled bad even after a couple of washing bouts. That incident is unforgettable and I’m sure you’ll not forget it either! It makes me laugh every time I go past that spot. In the future, after I get enough money, I’m hoping to build a monument there to mark my nostalgic fall.

The coolest was when my car almost toppled over. My mom was driving and so it’s not a big surprise. She is a terrific driver and the finest in the whole world. That is meant to be a compliment because incidentally, I happen to be on top of her fan base. Anyways, on that fateful day, all of us, I, my dad, my mom and sister were travelling on the highway from Vailankanni to Madurai. I was explaining the Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix story plot to my sister, who was interested more in the cashews she was eating than my excited chatter. It so happened, one lorry coming on the opposite side tried to overtake another lorry going in front of it. You know how these retarded drivers are, they almost ignore the fact that there are vehicles coming from the opposite side. And so when this happened, my mom had to sever sharply to the left to avoid a headlong collision with the stupid lorry and we went off the road and straight into a ditch. Since the road was quite high than the surrounding eucalyptus plantations, the car stood almost vertical sideways. And we sat there unmoving so that we don’t topple over. For the first time in my life, my sister didn’t mind the fact that I had tumbled over and lay on top of her crushing her to death. Then my dad opened the 2 left doors and balanced the car on it. We got down and waited for help. Soon a bus full of men stopped and kind of lifted the car and drove it out of the ditch. It was super cool and it was a good thing we were travelling in a tiny little car, which was easy for the dozen men to pull out of the ditch. Nobody was hurt and no property was damaged in this accident. The only exception being the cashews that we were munching on before the incident, which almost got thrown outside, only to be saved by my mom! So finally the day is saved (also the cashews); thanks to my mom!!

And finally coming to the most embarrassing near-death experience, I was trying to ride my dad’s Hero Honda Splendour bike in circles inside my garden. I am only in my 8^th grade, and I wasn’t very brilliant back then. When I tried to do a sharp right turn, the wheel got caught in the garden mud and I went crashing down to my right. In the strain of falling down, I couldn’t think straight and kept raising the accelerator of the bike which made me slide across the garden sideways, scratching my right leg on which my bike had fallen on. My sister rushed to my side and turned off and took out the ignition key and saved my life!! I lay down there on the garden floor screaming till everyone came running from my house to see what had happened….. AAarrgghhh who cares about the pride when it comes to being in pain!! I cry at the slightest provocation or at the smallest bruise. That’s how I am and I have no regrets about it! Anyways, I’m alive, hale and healthy now and that’s what matters, right?

The latest episode of my historic clash with death was in my final year of undergrad. I had this strange habit of waking up at 5.30 every morning and going for a jog. I usually pull along two other sleepy unwilling friends to give me company. On that particular day, we went over to the university playground and spotted some monkey bars, which naturally I wanted to try! I went over and tried hanging on it upside down. But it so happened that the fabric of my track pants along with the morning dew on the bars, made my grip slip and brought me crashing down, with me hitting the ground headlong! Thank God no other boy saw my embarrassing fall because it was the exam season and the playground was quite deserted! But my friends with their generosity made sure everyone else in the university heard about it and thus my popularity rose! I am grateful for that :P On top of that, they still think I’m a bit crazy bcos of the way I hit my head on the ground that day!

                I probably should but I’m NOT going to talk in detail about the ice skating falls I suffered this week. I can’t decide which was more embarrassing: the number of spectators who watched me fall, my best friends rolling on the floor laughing at my funny fall, the fact that a number of rescuers had to put me back on my feet or the way I looked hideous flailing my hands about trying to steady myself when I lost balance, after which I fell anyway! Maybe I should just be proud that I atleast tried to defy gravity like a good soldier, instead of falling flat on my face!!

As you can see I’ve had a lot of scary experiences and tricked death many times (C’mon gimme some respect, no one else would have braved these incidents like I did) which has made me immune to the fear of facing it, when my time comes. And, I’m really looking forward to greet death like an old friend and then……. shock HIM to death!! So that’s the plan. 

Bring it on Man! Let’s see what ya hav got!!